Well, It has been a while since I have posted a blog. I guess I just have been really busy! It seems like the summer is jusy flying by. The kids are good. Ava Jane is almost three and she is just a little busy thing. Jelessa is getting ready to start fall soccer soon and is extremely excited. I am in between jobs at the momment. I think I am going through a half way to 30 crisis! (meaning from 25 to 30) LOL I don't know. I just don't what life's purpose for me is really. I know that I am a mom and that I am good at that. But, what else?? My marriage is just falling apart before my eyes. The more I try to pick it up it slips further and further away from me. I don't know what I am doing wrong. Or where we went wrong. We are complete opposites. So my question is.. When do you TRUELY know it's over? Actually nevermind that question.. it is over.. just how do you be friends and good parents after the fact.
Since I really have no where to vent.. here is where it is gonna happen! :) Everyone's life looks so good from far away. And boy I am good at making my life seem that way on the outside, but there is a hurricane going on in the inside. I love being a mom and I would not change that for the world. I have my friends that I hang out with and party with. I have my momments with my husband that seem to be good. But then the moment I turn around they fall apart. The sad thing is I really don't want the marriage to work. I mean it's like I am bipolar in this aspect of my life. One day I am cool; the next I want to be done with it. Maybe this is just normal - the five year itch?? Hmm..
Questions that I have asked myself over and over the past few weeks. I have no desire to be with anyone really .. Except my children and my "dear" friends. What is the purpose of all the fighting with my husband and I ? It gets us NO where. Oh the agony of "this" part of marriage. Trying to get along and to disagree to agree.. UGH! I do know that I love him and we have a beautiful daughter together... It's just that I am not IN love anymore.. How do you get that back.. I don't think you do. Plus. I think you have to REALLY want to get back to that. I just don't think my heart is there anymore.
Yes.. I know the answer already.. it's just the actually leaving part. I will get the nerve to do it. I am ready now inside.. I just need to get motivated. I will always love him.. because I believe once you love someone you never not love them. You can't just stop that or throw that away. It just changes. It either evolves or fades slightly.
Other than that life is just peachy! Happy Fourth.. Try to keep more posts up.
XOXOXO
Brycie
