Optical Feelings

My heart can only take so much until I start to break. I feel like my heart is glass and it is starting to crack and shatter all over. How much can you show and give for you to see how much I love you. For you too see that I am perfectly imperfect. That I have flaws and that I make mistakes. I am a woman that takes full responsibility for everything I have done in my life wrong or right. It seems like the only thing I am good at is being a mom and taking care of a home. I don't lie about who I am and what I have. I am proud of my struggle. Do I wish I was a lot better off? Yes.. doesn't everyone. I am trying so hard to be even keel and to agree to diagree. But, as much as I am showing and giving .. seems like it's not enough. I am trying so hard. I am begging for you to open your eyes and see my change. Can you see it? Do you see it? When is my break from this broken heart of mine. When does life complete and become full circle. When does the past really get let go. When Do I get the life so many have of smiles, laughter, true love, and unconditional warmth. I had it once and it slipped through my fingers. I just want to love you with my all. Is that ok? Can I keep you? Can we be forever? Can I be your forever? Please...This blog is the only sanity I think I have away from the chaos of life. Away from the hectic work schedule and the beads of sweat that I bleed trying to perfect this imperfect me. I can feel your heart beat in mine. I can feel your breath of my neck. I can feel your thoughts run through my viens. I can feel your love. Please, come out of your shadow and show me where you stand. Step out of your grey area for one moment. Let me see you....I am waiting...por siempre.

Believing...

Believing…

Trust will mend…

Believing…

People change…

Believing…

I am the only one…

Believing…

Our love is different…

Believing…

Dysfunction is normal…

Believing…

Hearts can be broken but fixed…

Believing…

Life will changes…

Believing…

In a better future…

Believing…

You will love me forever…

Believing…

Unconditional really exists…

Believing…

That forgiveness really works…

Believing…

Truth sets you free…

Believing…

The words you say…

Believing…

My tears are real…

Believing…

I am a good person…

Believing…

In love…

Forever Isn't Forever

Heart Breaks

Glass Shatters

Blade Slices

Bleeding

Tears Fall

Knees Buckle

Judgment Lapses

Spilling

Gravity Fails

Nerves Twitch

Body Tires

Trembling

Mouth Waters

Sounds Echo

Beats Stop

Closing

Pills Spill

Breathing Slows

Eyes Roll

Broken

Pieces Scatter

Tears Dry

Thoughts Stop

Releasing

Soul Hovers

Hands Let go

Bottle Rolls

Chest Bellows

Gone

Hazed Judgement

Resting along the end of my bed where you used to hold me,

The sheet blankets me like your body used to,
Your gone, yet your still crawling in my skin,
Can you hear me as I scream into the pillow,

 

I never felt a love like this before,
I know you can feel it as your miles away,
Your smiles are a distant memory or a picture on my wall,
Can I thank you for this eternity, or shall I shun the mere thought of you away forever,

 

I can barely stand the silence that echoes your name along my tongue,
Moving slowly as I glide into the bed and swallow my own heart,
Gripping the covers like they were your back,
Shattering my room of painful tears with the orgasmic thought of you near me,

 

Lightly running my hand along my inner thighs,
Touching my soft pink skin and entering a youthful bliss,
Arching my back and moving my hips to your shadow,
Rolling my eyes back and titling my head further into the pillow held by your lost hands,

 

Opening my mouth to a kiss that has faded into the used to be,  
Thoughts of your caress create a climax unknown to reality,
Dreaming of your I love you’s,
Flashes of you in my memory,
Scrambling to find you,

Forever more I dream of you..

I love you.