It's funny how you have to just love someone enough to let them go. When is enough a enough.. I sit here and think about my past, present, and future. I wonder where I went wrong in so many things. There are so many what ifs that run through my mind. Being lied to and cheated on is big in my life. I think everyone I have ever dated or been in a relationship with has done that. Except for a select few and those men were probably more worth being with. I don't know. But here is my conclusion on this...
There are three kinds of affairs in my book:
1. There is the kind where something stupid happens without premeditation or thought. A bachelor party that goes too far. A drunken night in Vegas.
2 - There is the kind where it's all intimacy but no physical sex takes place. Affairs online are probably the most common type of affair. Friends, coworkers... "Since I didn't actually have sex, it's not cheating."
3 - And then there is the full on affair: planned meeting, purposeful rendezvous. Thoughts, romance, sharing, talking, intimacy and sex, all taking place over a period of time. Premeditated. Lying. Everything. "This isn't just a sexual affair. It is an affair of the spirit, mind, and heart."
Number 2 seems to be my problem... An affair is much more of "a mistake." It's purposeful deception. An affair someone has with a friend, or a coworker, or some situation where sex doesn't happen but there is an intimacy and sharing of emotions and thoughts, is a much deeper thing. The idea that your partner spent time with this person, thinking about them, planning to be with them, having conversations and secrets, laughing and crying... to me this is much more important than one drunk night where someone's pants fell off. This is why it is so hard to let go.At one point that person needs to really look at their life and realize that the woman that is standing in front of them - the woman that is next to them day and night when they fall asleep and wake up is me .. and I love you ... and I am wonderful.. I am beautiful... we fit ... we fit like a puzzle.
Another point to be made about this, is that there is no way in hell they didn't know that they were breaking your heart. Whatever they say, whatever they claim, they knew it was wrong or they wouldn't have kept it secret. They would have included me in those long conversations or chats, you would have invited me to those meetings, if there really was nothing to hide.This is not only a betrayal of our commitment and promises, it is blatant disrespect to me as a person. They cheated with your head and your heart. To many people and myself included, this is much worse than cheating sexually. Then I ask myself about my children.. There is more than just two hearts in this. Do I really want to teach my children that infidelity is OK, or that lying to people that you love is OK? I'm not showing my kids what it is to forgive; I'm only showing my kids what it is to be a doormat. I do not want that.
Then I come to this conclusion of it all...The healthy thing to do is not spend time and energy and heartache on a relationship that isn't worth it. There are reasons as to why that person lied. Maybe they couldn't let go of this other person. Maybe I wasn't big enough or sexy enough. Maybe the sex hasn't been all that. Maybe kids, finances, illnesses, work pressures, and a million other things are involved. The problem isn't that "problems"!! The problem is thier CHOICE was to handle the problems by lying. A person that promises their life to you, then chooses to be a coward when the going gets tough, is not a person you can have a healthy relationship with. This person demonstrated in the biggest way possible that they do not love or respect you.They should have come to me. There should have been communication and trust. If after real effort you couldn't work it out, then you should have initiated last resort separation proceedings. If you were that unhappy, then you should have gotten out of the relationship. If you loved and respected me at all, that's what you would have done.
Sigh... I just want to find that one person (and maybe I already have) that will stick next to me and smile through the tough and the good times without being unfaithful in any way.
For now... my thoughts...
