The Tyrant Beneath My Kiss

 

The tyrant that rages inside of me,

 

The kindness that you think is my weakness,

 

The unbeveled smirks that I catch with my eyes,

 

The tattered lies that seep through your ever gazing stare,

 

The nostalgic of the words I love you.

Tempered Switch

Fate for bleeding hearts,

Disappearing into my own insecurities,

Loosing sanity in what’s unraveling,

Feeding the fire of my desired heart,

Embellishing into my weaknesses,

Running from the comfortable,

Engaging into the enemies of one’s soul,

Lingering a tempered mind,

Aching for a brightened touch,

Replenishing my sins with alcohol,

Considering the deepest of regrets,

Hanging on to the lasting moments,

Fearing the lights will go out,

Dropping into the mist of your sweat,

Shadowing the demons that hide inside me,

Aging into your lapsed presence,

Urging you to scream my name….

Embellishments of You

 

 

Shaded embrace is how we first started,

Quick conversation, small quirked smiles,

Brief eye contact, faded into drinks for two,

Quietly being patient with the tingle I felt down below,

Submissively awaiting the next encounter,

Simpers of laughter overwhelmed my broken heart,

Expecting nothing, and enjoying the unexpected,

Lust, changed into deep lascivious thoughts,

Looking forward to our next rendezvous,

Loosing myself to you in one kiss of your lips,

Getting lost with the dance of your tongue,

New heartbeats that sink into my breathe help me vanish into a rapturous slumber,

Compelled to your pulse as it beats against mine,

Diving into a natural high of you,

Torn pages of my past seem to pale away when I am with you,

Craving…wanting….falling…into the future with you.

Slightly Bent

My cracked smile

Tears pour out of my eyes

Body bare and cold

Blood dripping from my fingertips

My dangling knife falls to the floor

Toes curled upon the pavement

Head slightly bent to the left

Memories whisper across the horizon

The sunset beams along the shadow of what I once was

Slumbers Of Our Rapid Oxidation

Lying next to your ghost,

Your body is here but your heart is somewhere else,

I can feel you ambling away from me,

Quietly waiting for you to fade away,

I run my hand along the sheets that you imprinted,

I can feel you there,

Struggling to hold in my speculations,

Breathing to replace the tears that role down my chin,

Bellowing screams echo in my head,

Jolts of her breathe down my neck,

Encouraging rages of deep anguish seek to be let out,

Unknowing of a future so raw and crisp,

Paling moments that linger on my tongue,

Cries of a forbidden lie that will never be expressed,

Exchanging of harsh words justify the discretions that have been made,

Intoxication band aides the pain for a beatific moment that drifts as our shadows die,

Flames that burst "us" into a rapid oxidation,

Extinction is the story that has been written for you and I,  

My eyes start to close and vanish into a dream that I cannot escape from,

Laying with your ghost, the pillow that you left behind.

Sinful Thoughts

Eyes as deep as the ocean,
Every look different from the last,
Dilated pupils of one’s present, past and future,  
Mesmerized by a brisk glance against the moonlight,
Your ever gazing stare,

Lips as pursed as the mountains,

The simple graze against mine shutters my body into a deep quiver,
Lustful touches of your tongue tickle my smile,
Engaging my deep sexual feelings into a quick kiss,
Your sensual tongue tengo,

Skin as soft as my satin sheets,
Radiating warmth and compassion,
Gracefully gleaming with your euphoric light,
Mere touching ecstatically rushes my heart,
Your sinful embrace…

Ambient Pneuma

Ambient music radiates through my body,

Silently caressing my inner being,

Singing to me with the pulses of the piano,

Thriving my heart as the smooth jazz cradles pneuma,

Listening with my memories,

Seeing with my heavy touch,

Nonchalantly fading into the dark walls around me,

Letting go of the elements of what was,

Emerging into change…

Freedom

As the leaves turn to oranges and yellows,
My heart changes into something more refined and deep,
The glow of the sun in the morning upon the shadow that used to be you is gone,
And I am letting go of a chapter in my life that is taken a part of my heart with it…
Wanting forgiveness but not getting it,
I am left to forgive myself of my indecent discretions,
The funnels I have made through people’s lives,
The hurt that I have caused so many hearts,
The destruction of my own pain latching onto others,
Tearing the bridges I fought so hard to build and keep,
Left in the rain bleeding for you,
Swallowing every ounce of self-worth that I have,
Embellishing the disgrace that is me,
Wanting nothing then to just let go and be free…

Condemned Qualms

Ugly scars grieve over me,

Salted words slice through my every breath of life,

Your thoughts imprisoning my delusional forgiveness,

Aspirations of a happy future crushed by your figure,

Mirroring lies washed along the gravity of my fallen heart,

Guilt overwhelms me,

Rushing through my veins like hot water,

My heart is bulging at the seams,

Tears flow that I cannot seem to stop,

Confessions pour out of my eyes,

Cries of the desperation disappear in the distance,

Whispers of your voice fade away,

Your touch is gone and I lay awake,

Sinking into my bed,

Crawling for cover among the sheets of my existence,

Slowly killing myself day by day…

Heartbreak

The moments of  a heartbreak...

Denial

The initial release of words undone,

Thoughts of unrealism...

Tears

Droplets of sadness, abandonment, pain,

Quivering for reprisal...

Anger

Betrayal of promises and words taken back,

Purposing yourself to hurt...

Bargaining

Making promises you cannot keep,

Easing your pain with depravities...

Calm

Words that go unspoken and fade into your memory,

Reclusing into the shadows of the walls that surround you...

Drifting

Replaying the past like a movie in the mere distance,

Accepting that the road has ended...

Living

Slowly making your way through life,

Allowing the peace within to overtake your heart and breathe again...

Cycle Repeats...

Bent Not Broken

The secrets that you embed in your mind,

Silently with every move you make I can see,

Clearer the pictures appear along the shadows of my mysteries,

The glare that pulses from your texting,

The sashay of your words through a mirrored image,

The simple vibration of the dreamy words of another,

The gracefulness of your tone and the soft kiss upon my cheek,

Beneath my tongue words are hidden and not spoken,

Sidelined like that old book on the shelf,

Torn promises a mist with futures untold,

Swearing only one, yet there is two or three,

Solid delusional thoughts of a once honest faithful love,

Enigmas surround my feet and over take my balance,

Crushed at the sight of her name,

Guilt over the past reminders of my infidelities,

Guarded near the waves of your actions,

Worried the feelings have faded,

Tired of the games that are being played,

Slightly bent from the past before…

Please

Let me rest my heart,

Let it breathe,

Let the pain drift away,

Let it disappear,

Regret overwhelms me,

The burden of what I have done headaches my body,

Let my sorries poor out on your shoulder,

Let the past go,

Let's begin our future,

My heart is tearing at the seams,

I am afraid of your devilish ways,

Your heart bleeding with hurt,

My stitching is weak,

What are you waiting for,

Trust me,

Stop disecting my every word,

You are ripping me apart,

My stitches are loose,

I am trying to hold it together,

I am on my knees,

Pleading for a way out...

 

Optical Feelings

My heart can only take so much until I start to break. I feel like my heart is glass and it is starting to crack and shatter all over. How much can you show and give for you to see how much I love you. For you too see that I am perfectly imperfect. That I have flaws and that I make mistakes. I am a woman that takes full responsibility for everything I have done in my life wrong or right. It seems like the only thing I am good at is being a mom and taking care of a home. I don't lie about who I am and what I have. I am proud of my struggle. Do I wish I was a lot better off? Yes.. doesn't everyone. I am trying so hard to be even keel and to agree to diagree. But, as much as I am showing and giving .. seems like it's not enough. I am trying so hard. I am begging for you to open your eyes and see my change. Can you see it? Do you see it? When is my break from this broken heart of mine. When does life complete and become full circle. When does the past really get let go. When Do I get the life so many have of smiles, laughter, true love, and unconditional warmth. I had it once and it slipped through my fingers. I just want to love you with my all. Is that ok? Can I keep you? Can we be forever? Can I be your forever? Please...This blog is the only sanity I think I have away from the chaos of life. Away from the hectic work schedule and the beads of sweat that I bleed trying to perfect this imperfect me. I can feel your heart beat in mine. I can feel your breath of my neck. I can feel your thoughts run through my viens. I can feel your love. Please, come out of your shadow and show me where you stand. Step out of your grey area for one moment. Let me see you....I am waiting...por siempre.

Believing...

Believing…

Trust will mend…

Believing…

People change…

Believing…

I am the only one…

Believing…

Our love is different…

Believing…

Dysfunction is normal…

Believing…

Hearts can be broken but fixed…

Believing…

Life will changes…

Believing…

In a better future…

Believing…

You will love me forever…

Believing…

Unconditional really exists…

Believing…

That forgiveness really works…

Believing…

Truth sets you free…

Believing…

The words you say…

Believing…

My tears are real…

Believing…

I am a good person…

Believing…

In love…

Forever Isn't Forever

Heart Breaks

Glass Shatters

Blade Slices

Bleeding

Tears Fall

Knees Buckle

Judgment Lapses

Spilling

Gravity Fails

Nerves Twitch

Body Tires

Trembling

Mouth Waters

Sounds Echo

Beats Stop

Closing

Pills Spill

Breathing Slows

Eyes Roll

Broken

Pieces Scatter

Tears Dry

Thoughts Stop

Releasing

Soul Hovers

Hands Let go

Bottle Rolls

Chest Bellows

Gone

Hazed Judgement

Resting along the end of my bed where you used to hold me,

The sheet blankets me like your body used to,
Your gone, yet your still crawling in my skin,
Can you hear me as I scream into the pillow,

 

I never felt a love like this before,
I know you can feel it as your miles away,
Your smiles are a distant memory or a picture on my wall,
Can I thank you for this eternity, or shall I shun the mere thought of you away forever,

 

I can barely stand the silence that echoes your name along my tongue,
Moving slowly as I glide into the bed and swallow my own heart,
Gripping the covers like they were your back,
Shattering my room of painful tears with the orgasmic thought of you near me,

 

Lightly running my hand along my inner thighs,
Touching my soft pink skin and entering a youthful bliss,
Arching my back and moving my hips to your shadow,
Rolling my eyes back and titling my head further into the pillow held by your lost hands,

 

Opening my mouth to a kiss that has faded into the used to be,  
Thoughts of your caress create a climax unknown to reality,
Dreaming of your I love you’s,
Flashes of you in my memory,
Scrambling to find you,

Forever more I dream of you..

I love you.

Relishing in Confinement

Trapped inside this brittle cage,

My wings a tied and scared with fear,

Bleeding with the scars that you have left me with,

Markings of all of our memories written along these caged walls,

Screaming for you to hear me, but you have set me free,

You have disappeared into another’s arms,

Anxious to breathe, to fly away from all of this mess I am locked in,

Fallen to my knees,

Gashed with the rain of your lost heart,

Scratching to get out of these lies I have made for myself.

Pavement

Your walking away… I see you…
Gradually you dismember my heart and leave it in fragments,
Rain drops spread along the path that you have left for me to follow,
Smeared remains of my heart glow in the dark as you walk past them,
Stepped upon my critical life beats for attention,
Settling into the dirt that I have sunk myself into,
Holes become puddles along the road of my demise,
As I start to wallow in my own lacerations,
Sunlight peaks through the glazed clouds above my crushed life,
Beams harden my soul,
Hot with leveled thoughts,
Cracks begin to thrive along the lines of my body,
Solid scars of the pain that we created together,
Misunderstood terms of reality strike my temper,
Windy chills caress the solid wounds of your touch,
Shades of ever passing storms bury my shamed soul,
Forgiving the regrets of once known beauty,
Blaming my mistakes on you, resistant,
A hurtful goodbye, a kiss, a blade, a forgotten face,
Missing…you.

Glitter Dusted Tears

Lights flashing around me,

My body moves to the music,

Beams of color hit my face,

My arms moving to the sound of the intoxication,

Laughter shadows over my ears,

As your anatomy moves along mine,

Dancing bodies surrounding me,

Losing you in strobes of light,

Lazers yielded my eyes,

Left alone in a mass of unknown hearts,

Beats pound in my chest,

The music travels through my veins,

The crowd moves against the sweat running down my torso,

Turning corners trying to find you,

Tears running down my face,

Smiling in disappearance,

Hands moving against my hips,

Running through you,

Stealing my soul and taking it with you,

Looking for myself,

Where did I leave you…in the essence of that song in the club.. Fading …

Fast Ruminations

Passing thoughts...

Whisper...

of your hips as they glide againest mine...

Cool...

breeze of your breath on my neck...

Taunting...

touch of your sex againest mine...

Linger...

of your fingertips on my back...

Brush...

of your cheek along my thighs...

Motion...

of your toes streaming up my leg...

Shiver...

of your body with every kiss of my lips...

Blimmer...

memories of the heart...

Just a Dream

Yearning…

Your Voice lingers in my ear,
Silence whispers your touch against my body,
Breathing slowly into your soft curves,
Swaying the sounds of essence along the sheets, 

Breathing…

Dancing tongues in the midnight shadows,
Lights fade into the music of our bodies,
Surrendering out ambitions and unfolding our desires, 

Moving…

Torturing touches and words so orphic,
Seeking the light through our own passions,
Darkened deplores,
Thrusting thighs, 

Sleeping….

Fused Memories

Losing my mind in thoughts of you,

Trying to breathe and walk slow,

All I want to do is run into the depths of your words,

They feel like knifes thrusting through my shoulders,

Confined with demons perched upon them,

Screaming my reasoning into the icicles of your heart,

Do you see me? Do you see what has happened?

Fools of love and fear,

Dysfunctional promises of a future prohibited,

Entertain me as I parade along this road of broken shades of you,
Killing the grey areas with bitter sorrows and blemishes of faith,

Binding my world with chains and my heart with locks,

Tears fall,
Your eyes linger in my reflection,

Washing away my only glance of a new beginning,

My soul yearns for the break through,

Climbing the walls of life,
My nails breaking as I claw through nothing,

Fused memories that used to be,

Lapsing….

There I go stumbling into you.

Jet Set

Overwhelming knowledge of our pasts,

 Pressure builds in my hands,

My mind explodes of fear and anguish,

Inhaling my understanding words,

Exhaling only bruises of a battered love,

Falling on the concrete,

Sliding into the future of my past regrets,

Holding tightly to the moments that once held my memory,

Confusing tears clutter my face,

Blinding my trembles from your deep embrace,

Challenging thoughts stumble my mind,

Lingering you possesses my eyes,

Stable hopes of a present unknown,

Swaying words brush my shoulders,

Painful obstacles beneath my feet,

Silent urges among my fingertips,

I am jet set...

Fear

I let you walk across the broken pieces of my heart,

I let you pick them up and try to put them back together,

The stitching was thin, yet it started to mold in your hands,

But, in one glimpse of fear it shattered into pieces again…

Tears stream down my face as I turn my back on you and walk away,

Walk to the lonely roads ahead, and chasing the white clouds that left me behind,

Snow is melting and the frigid air kisses my cheeks,

Peeled and broken, undone, left alone..

Beneath My Frantic Vision

Beneath the chaos of your words,

Lies a timid quiet mind,

A girl who jades herself from the real world,

Bleeding for a truth, a touch of real love,

Beneath the sighs and the screams,

Sits a heavy hearted woman,

A broken shadow that is scared of the night,

Scars that rip through the sunlight and leaves shades of grey,

Beneath the underlying thoughts of your manipulative mind,

Runs a frightened and insecure mother,

Strong willed with vibrations of a tattered soul,

Starving for a family, a chance at a normal sense of home,

Beneath the silent bellows of her own cries,

Stands a angered friend,

Ripped by the walls of the community,

Settled in the deep puddles of the blood from the knives stabbed in her back,

Beneath the passionate echoed lies of your tongue,

A crippled lover falls to her knees,

Cut with euphoric sores and a her broken mind in hand…