Defective

I sit here at my desk replaying the same song over and over again. I listen to the beat and it takes me to this place inside of me that I feel safe and jaded. I"m lost in this song and the lyrics. What does this mean? I cannot focus on anything lately. I am scarred and worn. I feel used and left alone by life. I remember how important I felt for a brief minute; like those new pair of jeans that are perfect for a night out until they are taken back to the store for a refund. The moment sets in as my eyes fill up with that oh so famalair liquid. I look at the clock and it is three and I have an hour until I get to go home. I will walk through the door with a hunger and need for attention, yet it will not be there. I want to scream with agression and release this feeling of being misunderstand. I remember the way you used to smile at me and how you would talk to me constantly. How I made your day better and now there is only bitterness in your voice. The slight way wyou ignore me; yet will never admit it. The way I have to cut my tongue and be silent for I will only be talked down to. What have I become? You wait your whole life to grow up and fit into this world. What do you do when you do not feel like you belong. I feel like the perfect pair of shoes for a moment and then as soon as that moment is over I get put away in that old shoe box on the shelf that will never be worn again because there are a brand new shiney pair on the floor that were worn last night.

Soft Tears

As I sit here in the mist of everything that has happened the last few weeks..I sigh..I feel as if the world is moving in rapid speed around me as I sit still like a silent flower. I feel the wind touch my face and the colors fade into the background. I drown in a sheet of loneliness and I look upon your face as if it were right there and it is not. I feel misunderstood and let go for reasons that were not true and the words that I have used were tattered and torn. I feel empty in a way that I thought I would never feel. I need to feel the sun on my skin and the radiance of a heartbeat againest my chest. I cannot feel that essence upon me and I just want to scream out of anxiety and restfulness.

I lay here silent and untouched. Then I open my eyes and see a glance in the distance that brings me to my feet. I look down and see the reflection of my smile in the puddle that my tears have made. I am set free.