Fairy Tales

Heavy Hearts,

Lingering Thoughts,

Hushed Sighs,

Electric Tears,

Secure Embraces,

Craving Kisses,

Words Whispered,

Broadened Futures,

Colored Pasts,

Instant Smiles,
Falling Fast,

Closing Doors,

Opening Paths,
Chances Taken,

Risks Unknown,

Choices Made,

Changing Stories,

Revolving Worlds,

Challenges Stopped,

Obstacles Started,

Written Moments,

Tongues Dancing,

Love Forms,

Promises Kept…

Fractured Seasons

A broken life,

Disregarded by others,

Left in the shadows,

Tears layering the cracks between us,

Turning around,

Following the puddles of your footsteps,

Wanting to forget the smiles that blinded me for so long,

Breathing heavy and longing for the rainbow to appear above me,

Clouds move to the sound of my voice,

Laying along the pivets of life,

Grass cradling my body,

The sun beaming on my thoughts,

Arching my back to the sound of the bass,

Opening my mind to the new me,

Not feeling so alone anymore,

Vibrations trouncing through my chest,

Covering my eyes from the gleam of you,

The trees closing in on me,

Warming my heart,

Sweating at the eyes that dissolute me,

Belonging to no one,

Fearing nothing,

Blowing winds rush the leaves that fall over me,

Chilling my warmed heart,

Cradling it for the white fragments of December..

Chance...Choice...Change

Silently letting go of my fears,

Giving you my heart to hold,

Fears let go,

Chance…

Choosing to let you in,

Falling closer to you with words,

Silently letting my past fade,

Choice…

Excepting the distance between souls,

Walking away from old paths,

Creating new memories with you,

Change…

Years Passed...

One day you wake up and look in the mirror and you don’t look the same you did years ago. You wonder where your beauty went? How do people see you as “beautiful” when you don’t feel that way inside? When does your mind and heart settle and except that you are a decade older? Maybe this is a mid-life crisis. You look back at your life and how fast it went. All the hearts that you broke or left behind. You wonder if you made huge mistakes that will leave you alone. Those words that you should have never uttered or spoke. The fights, smiles, tears…You think of all the eyes that you have gotten lost in and the way your heart beats when you miss them. The way your life has turned out and if you are truly happy with it. The tears that tell a story that you cannot put into words because it is too painful. The way you look into your future and imagine how it will be or how it could have been. The wonders of a small mind and a huge heart. You wonder if you really are a good person, or did you overlook some of the small things that left sour tastes in someone’s mouth. Smiling and then laughing at past memories with friends, past lovers, and family. I find myself thinking too much and over analyzing everything. Those imperfections of the human body that you dwell on.

Where did my youth go? Why do I feel this way….

Me

Your smile lightens the weight off my shoulders,

That brief text in the middle of the day that says hello,

The way you stare at me across the table,

The butterflies that I get in my stomach when I see your picture on my phone,

Our conversations that seem to drift away in time,

The way you laugh at my clumsiness and everyday chaos,

The way I feel as a person, when I am around you,

The “sexy” I feel when you are not around,

The way I smile around my children thinking of you in the distance,

The way I feel as a mother, friend, lover, and daughter when you say the things you do,

For the first time in my life I feel refreshed and not afraid to let the truth out,

To be me...

Silent Encounter

Slowly moving across the room towards me,

Eyes locked neglecting all views around you,

Desire sets in, slight fatal attraction,

Chills rush over my body,

Silent thoughts float above the room,

You walk around me,

Your essence touches me,

I can feel your silent tongue along the crevices of my frame,

Laughter fills the surrounding ears,

The room starts to spin aggressively,

You gently touch my lower back as you pass by,

Smelling the deep perfumes of your soul,

Inner lips rage and wetness fills within,

Gliding along my inner thighs, breathe,

Rapturous wonders of what will happen later,

No one notices the brief encounter of a obscure mind,

Gratifying behavior lost in the deep thought of bliss,

Standing in a public place,

Stranger of my passions,

Glass of wine in hand, 

You start to walk away,  

Yielded by a close lock of eye contact,

Orgasmic mind, imagination sets in,

I slight shimmer of you is left,

Saying goodbye to the darkening crowd,

Walking slowly behind you,

Hands sweating, fingers intertwined with yours,

Guiding my urges, waking up in your sheets…

I love you

When you left I was lost,

I was torn by words and past thoughts,

I was drowning in fear,

Loosing myself in others,

When you left I stared into the mirror,

Couldn’t see my reflection,

Touching a shadow,

Feeling nothing and numb,

When you left I cried every night,

Thinking of all the smiles that turned into frowns,

All the tears that bled into my face,

Smothered by my pillow I screamed,

Remembering all the I love yous…

When you came back I smiled,

I saw the lights that led me home,

I felt the embrace of you,

And I said, “I love you.“

 

Talk To Me

Reflecting

Floating beneath the water of my life,

Watching the ripples affect my view of what’s above,

Slowly sinking under, moving rapidly to the bottom.

Feeling

Emotions are high, yet your intentions are so low,

Bliss has reached its height,

My eyes have been blinded.

Thinking

Words are so silent underneath your stories,

Beautiful eyes, they lie to me when they look at me,

Your tongue of truths sets me on fire.

Screaming

Holding onto those memories of once was,

Leaving with a grin on my face at first,

Feeling free of life’s arguments,

Flying

Freedom has turned into a feeling,

Missing the every breathe of your being,

Longing for that embrace.

Hoping

Fear runs through my veins,

Thick motions of past regret,

Tumbling down the road like a tattered leaf.

Running

Wonders of the future bestow me,

Denying heart slaps my face,

Can you hear my cries?

Listening

Sins

Breathing lightly and stepping slowly, I pick up the shattered pieces of my mistakes of the past.

As I step out of the shower, I take a long look in the mirror.. steam rolling off my body hot and wet.

All I can see is this woman I thought I knew.

Imperfect to you and perfect to others. Tears wallow up but never drop. Fearful future disconcerts my heart, blocking memories.

Faded shadows of you dance along the crevices of my body as I yield it with the fine touch of myself.

Hands reaching for the light, dark forbidden faces consume my eyes and radiate a secret life.

Lies and dirty desires pass over my soul and into my heart.

Worlds between the unjustified woes of the completion of my sins.

Delightful pleasures and yearning wants.

A hardened heart and soulless creature, steal my pain for just one second.

Minutes pass and the rapid beat of my heart takes me away to a deserted place where life glows and sets you free.

Beautiful self, beautiful you..

Gripping the wall, Released..

Turning on the light, looking at the same blank stare..

Euphoria

Dirty Thoughts 

Sexy Pictures

Bodies Moving

Hearts Racing

First Touch

First Embrace

Sweating

Tangled

Hands Sliding

Feet Gripping

Scratching

Lights Flicker

Sheets Wet

Words Echoing

Windows Fogged

Lips Touching

Tongues Dancing

Fingers Hidden

Sex Changing

Deep Movements

Shivering

Gentle Biting

Goosebumps

Light Caresses

Bound

Held Down

Strength

Eyes Locking

Faces Changing

Orgasmic

Hours Pass

Deep Sighs

Relief

Cuddling

Tempering Switch

I laid there covered by my security,

Breathing slow and silent,

Shadows along the walls,

Street lights peering through the blinds,

I can hear your heart beat, yet you are not here.

I can feel your thoughts along my body and lips,

My mouth opens to let words spill,

Yet, nothing comes out,

Only a tear down the side of my face,

Drifting into sleep… Illusions of once was… Life… Indefinitely Changing.

Insomnia

The woes of my discretion. The beats of my heart. My shadows along the street. The sun beaming on my back. Everlasting touch. Tongues moving in the same direction. Worlds in between us.

Differences of actions and desires. Illusions of what was and is. Dissolution skips a beat. I found you. Revealing sins and secrets. Faith held us together. Now all is broken and dismay.

What I would have given. What I did give. Embrace me. Fallen and broken. Compelled to breathe and run. Standing here, silent overcomes my being. Used and bitter.

Solid thoughts. Words undone. Screams fill my room. Tears fall. Smiles fade. Climax.

Sleepless Hope

Today is going to be a regular blog.. I have so much on my mind. I have no idea how to put it in words at all. I have so many questions and worries. I have a headache today, much as I do everyday for the last week.

What is wrong with me? I feel like less of woman today, like I am not good enough for you or anyone for that matter. Funny, how life works. One day you think everything is perfect, to find out it was just a mere illusion. I feel like a shadow along the walls of our past relationship.

I have made so many mistakes in the past year, ones that tear me up inside on a daily basis. There are days that I just want to blow my head off, or just fall into an eternal sleep. You tell me I don't know you and that I don't understand you. Have you ever thought that I you really don't know me... the deep me.. the way I process life, my thoughts.. Maybe it is because I am sick. So many things are going to change in the next year. I am scared. So scared.

I dream of this perfect place that will wipe all of my mistakes away. Redeem me as a good human being to the people that I love so much. But, there is no such place.

I pray everyday that my kids will always love me and know that I try my best to be the best mom I can be. I hope that I can see them grow into young adults and live a full life. I hope that they don't make the same mistakes I have made and that they are always happy. That they do not endure heartache from anyone like I have. That they live for the present and not the past. That they don't make new loves pay for old past loves. So many things I worry about. To think that I may not always be around to help them, to guide them, to give them that.

I feel alone most of the time. I feel so sad. Today... I cry.. tears just fall all over my keyboard, my desk, my life.  I don't know what to do. I don't know how to talk to you, to tell you how I feel, to express what you mean to me. I try and I try to show you. But my enough, is just not good enough. You say I am leaving.. that I am going to take that "dive" away. Why would I do that?

I am a runner... I always run.. BUT.. I am standing here infront of you. Where are you? Where have you been? My words jumble so much when I try to open my mouth, that I confuse myself, and I don't make sense. I am so lost in your embrace, your heart...

I am giving my all, all that I have. I don't know what else to do. I have made so many changes not for you, but for me, for us. I am a real woman, I am honest, I am beautiful, I am amazing, right? I ask myself that in the mirror every morning.

I wish you were here, my best friend, you left me too soon. You left me, and now my best friend is leaving too. What am I gonna do without her? Who am I gonna talk to? Life is taking me.. slowly.. it's like karma is making me suffer. Too watch everyone be happy around me, then when I am happy, and when I get what I want, it slowly yanks it away from me.

I am standing here.. I am not moving.. running.. leaving..

Thoughts Undone

Regrets take over me,

Sitting here alone, waiting,

Words that were meant for silence,

Poured all over the table,

The wine still has ripples from you left,

My glass half full of sorrows and happiness,

Cold air creeps up my back,

Whispers of your voice from the other room,

The walls shake as my vision blurs,

Hands gripped to table,

Bleeding for some attention,

Self-medicated,

Tears start to dry,

My heart slows,

My glass is empty,

Eyes are heavy,

Sleep..

Illusion

Blurred eyes, Blinking,

Heavy arms, Sinking,

Moving Legs, Kicking,

Open Mouth, Swallowing,

Burdened and Floating,

Underwater….

Raining Heartaches

I wallow in a cloud above you,

Filling up with silent words that go unspoken,

Bubbled out until I burst,

Raindrops drop all along the lines of your discretion,

Beading along the windshield of my car,

Driving past the familiar woes,

Bleeding words as the music blares,

Fast pitched horns honk,

Skidding across the pavement,

Scared from the past regrets and mistakes,

Shuttering as blinking lights glow around me,

Colors of you flash forward along their faces,

The sky closes in on me and the light begins to flicker,

Breathing …Wordless…Released…

One

I ncredible

L over

O ne

V oluptuous

E xotic

Y ou

O ne

U nique

D ontae’

O ne

N otorious

T ay

A mazing

E' (my) ternity

Questions

Pacing back in forth trying to understand,

Where do I belong in your life,

What is my rating?

Feeling the walls close in on me,

Crushing my hopes and dreams,

What will I do?

Giving everything I have,

The truth has set me free,

There is no more truth to give,

What now?

I have given my heart and soul,

Laid it on the table,

Are you going to pick it up?

Are you going to keep it?

Did you even give me yours….

Mending Hearts

When I look into your eyes I see the lies that you hide behind,

The secrets that you keep so close to your heart,

Tears right through my soul, bleeding for a truth,

Secrets that create lies and walls between us,

How am I supposed to know,

Know when this is real,

Words that are true and faithful,

Honest eyes with no doors to open,

Trust that ever binds us,

Different from the past we left behind,

Growing to a new future,

Building a new beginning from before,

Planting our seeds together,

Living a honest life and forever loving roots,

Becoming one, and moving on,

Closing the door to our sins,

Walking away from the temporary,

Breathing together,

Creating an Us.

Melancholy

Again

Tears, Sorrow

Again

Lust, Passion

Again,

Innocence, Sins

Again

Pain, Hurt

Again

Bleeding, Horror

Again

Sadness, Grief

Again,

Anger, Flesh

Again,

Silence, Alone

Lost Again..

Slain

Silent

Speaks

Drunk

Sober

Ugly

Beautiful

Liar

Honest 

Here

Jaded

Unwanted

Loved

These are all traits we all have,

The ugliness buried within each of our hearts,

Our flaws tangled with our good traits,

Pure innocence with the sins of our mistakes,

Everlasting bitterness ending with a sweet kiss.

Home

I walk around with this broken smile,

My silent touch upon your heart,

Breathing peacefully through the world that I thought I knew,

Temporary friends played with my eyes,

I tricked myself into lust,

And there you were standing when the fog cleared,

With your arms open,

Accepting my faults,

My fear that made me run in the first place,

Guiding me with your smile and your sinful eyes,

Standing there, a glimmer of my own reflection,

As I become one with the shadow of you,

I let go of all the sorrows, and fall into your arms.

Loosing The Past

Slowly falling from this painful pedestal,

A place where you used to hold me high above all the rest,

Where did those feelings go,

Did they just slip away during the night,

How can you just walk away from me,

Tearing apart our pictures like they weren’t meant to be,

How can you slash me with those words,

Taking back those feelings,

I have hit my low,

A place where I have fallen and can’t get up,

A hole in my heart that is filled with regret,

Sorrows that barricade my soul,

Trust locking around my body,

Dragging me through the mud,

Eyes drained of tears,

Sighs of lust come from the closet,

Barrying my head into the moon,

Stars glisten upon my hair,

My body starts to vanish,

My heart beats steady,

Conversations are gone,

Letting you stay,

Kissing the past away,

Leaving it behind for a better tomorrow,

Because...It’s was just the past….

Heart Tricks

Feeling unsure about my life at the moment. Curious on the recent decisions I have recently made in my life. Have I made the right choices? Or have I messed my life up beyond repair. You tell yourself once you have had your heart broken that you will not ever let it be broken again or get hurt. Yet it is like getting drunk and having a having a horrible hangover the next morning. You still do it over and over again. When do you ever know if you have found that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Not that I have doubts or anything. I feel it, I feel that I have.. but why am I second guessing everything now. It’s funny how words can cut so deep and yet you cry and you pain over them. Can you really just forget them? Can you release that and let it go.. and trust that it will never happen again. As for now.. I must.. It’s the only way I can move forward and love and be happy.. because without you… is missing you and unhappiness.

(Metaphorically Speaking)

I looked for you across the dance floor,
I didn’t see you, except for the essence of a beautiful woman on you,
Our eyes glanced, and I ran, ran away,

Words were torn across our hearts,
As your cold face looked at me,
Your teeth clinched, and your hands gripped,
A shoulder thrown into bruises,

A heart smashed into the pavement,
Clothes thrown to the ground,
My key to my soul slashed,
Ever fading words of that night lingers,
Pain with in my heart relieved by your kisses,

Leary of the words you speak today,
Silence overwhelms me and thoughts overcome me,
Forgetful past and present future,
Let me let go.. let go of fear and believe again,

Today I step forward with a smile,
Vanishing those memories into clouds,
That will linger, yet fade away in the near future.
For all I will see is happiness and words that are meant to be.

To Feel "Amazing" Is You

It’s amazing to look back at the first time I met you. The first time your eyes met mine for that brief minute.I felt like I literally got lost in them for hours, yet it was only a few brief seconds. The brisk touch of your hand the first time you touched me sent goose bumps down my spine. Your smile could have brought me to my knees, made me feel weak all over. The essence of your body next to mine the first time we laid next to each other was pure ecstasy. When I think about all the blissful moments we have had and how many more we are going to have. It feels like this all started yesterday. I still feelbutterflies every time we kiss. When you hold my hand, the warmth of your touch gives me chills. The embrace of your body against mine makes me feel tingly in places unnoticed to the wondering eye. Just the presence of you in my life is amazing.

Held

Long Nights,

Long Slumbers,

Where time stood still,

Movement impaired and silent,

Hearts warmed and swollen,

Emotions in euphoria,

Sighs at a distance,

Minds in a haze,

Breathing in rhythm,

Arms intertwined,

Hands guided by our desires,

Eyes sinking into a blissful dream,

The whisper of your breath upon my neck,

Held by your strength,

Blanketed by your security,

Fading words of "I Love You" across my body.

A Dance of a Lifetime

As we kissed the sun of our past sorrows,

We moved forward,

Remembering this moment for a lifetime,

The day our lives changed for the better,

The brighter future along the horizon,

Looking up into the sky that day,

We raised our hands and screamed of freedom,

Free of the chains that bound us to misery,

Smiles took over our faces,

Our tears dried for the first time in years,

Our hearts opened, and our walls crumbled,

The clouds moved to the motion of our bodies,

Dancing with the wind of a song sung by our souls,

Pictures scattered along the pavement,

Weeds died and flowers bloomed,

Trees swayed and the birds flew,

Letting go of the silence that kept us alone,

Painful words turned into admirations,

Our hands met and turned into holding hands,

And we chose the path to walk together called a Lifetime..

A Song

Today I heard a song, that reminded me of you today,

Reminded me of our love.

The look on your face in the morning,

You told me you loved me,

But, then you faded away....

I can still feel you next to me,

Sometimes I wear your clothes when your gone,

I can smell that bittersweet kiss,

Your name always on my lips....

Your smile lit up my world,

Your look upon my face,

Dancing around me like a fool,

Kissing the air with no care...

Never thought we'd say goodbye,

That our memories would become a past,

Now, I look at pictures to remember,

The complicated momments,

The undone words that were never said...

My closet becomes my dwelling,

My heart scarred with you,

Silence as I pray upon my future,

What if's take over me...

Today, I heard a song that reminded me of you....

Shattered

.............................................................

Tattered Pages

Disappearing into the distant memory of you,

Touching the pavement with my soul,

Deeper I sink into the long words of my sigh,

Dreaming of the day that it will weaken,

The desire of my depression,

The dark side of my being,

Where the happiness fades away,

A tempered smile frowns,

Compelled to yell and cry,

Pain the rips through me and into you,

Can you handle that side of me too?

No words exchanged except the bitterness of a look,

Silence as the glass breaks along the anticipated mistakes of us,

Prevailing our lives wishes and grieving our past exes,

Compelled to lie and comfort my soul,

Pain that sinks into you and through me,

Can you handle that side of me too?

Soured reflections as I pass the windows of our being,

Broken hearts tattered along the photos of us,

Torn sheets of our once entangled passion,

Compelled to breathe in silence,

The Pain that beats within my body and yields my smile,

Can you handle this side of me too?

Habit or Love

Beneath your lies I want to believe that you are true,

That you love me for who I am,

That I am the one that you want to be with,

This feeling makes me feel that I am nothing short of lust,

Or that familiar habit you call love….

Fallen Heart

Silently walking through you,

Near your every breathe,

I feel your every touch,

When I am gone, you are near,

Quietly running my hands across your body,

Your eyes are closed and you cannot see me,

My tears fall and touch your heart secretly,

My fallen heart is compelled to stay,

Caught between two different lives,

Seeking the truth of what could have been or what may be,

I lay here, naked and cold,

Sheets blanket my soul,

Obscurities dance across my walls,

Longing for the brief goodbye and the ever so common hello,

My fallen heart is gone,

I am released from the pain of my past dreams,

Love has bitten my soul,

Embracing my forgiveness,

My tears are drying,

My walls are broken,

My heart has been seized and mended...