Madness In My Head

I feel this deep panic in the back of my throat. A feeling that I cannot get rid of. This anxiety is consuming my body and all of my thoughts. I let my guard down and I got comfortable..too comfortable. It's gloomy today and it fits my mood perfectly. Something I do not wish talk about and a name that I would rather never speak. Silence embraces me and blankets me from that frigid cold shoulder that you have given me. I feel cold and alone. I sat there, looked at you, and watched the hours tick by on that old clock in the corner. I saw my life flash before me and all the lies and moments that were once so hurtful. I felt the tears swell in my eyes and if I blinked they might have all fallen. But, I took a deep breath and looked at you. I did not blink for I did not want to demask myself. Those moments that I regret my actions and the choices I made eat at me everyday. The past over takes me and I was so willing to let it all go away. A mere gift taunts me today. Will I ever feel that hopeful serenity...