Have you ever loved someone...

Have you ever loved someone so much that you thought your heart would burst? That if they just abruptly left your life that you would die. I am in that situation right now. I am so in love with this man it hurts. We fight so much it is ridiculous and we both have not treated each other very well the past year. We both have really hurt each other with words and actions. He has cheated on me twice and it hurts so bad every time I think about it. I thought I forgave him..but have I really? I don't think I have. I know I have forgiven him for the first time.. but the second time with his best friend haunts me. I think a lot of the reason is because he still talks to her and because he still loves her so much. And he constantly reminds me how much better she is than me. I will never be her. I have two children, live on my own , and I do not have money like her. I wonder if this friendship of theirs will ever subside or will it continue to linger and haunt me as long as I am with him. How do you love someone enough to let them go - if you are unsure about what the future holds. I am so confused and in love that I am going to panic. I am sitting here at work and I am supposed to be working and all I think about is how much I love him and how he could dare to tell me that I am a waste of his love. That I am selfish, disrespectful, inconsiderate, stupid, and dumb. Words hurt so much worse then being hit physically. Words bury deep into your head and they never leave; forcing themselves into each thought of your day. After awhile you start to believe all those horrible things about yourself that that person that you love so much has said to you. Someone once told me - "Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself everything good and bad about yourself. That way if someone does say something hurtful to you - you can look at them and say tell me something I don't already know." I have tried that - for the most part it works.. but still doesn't make it better that they said that to you. All I want to do is go home and go to bed. Sleep the day away... what to do.....